Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Nätverksbyggande med förhinder

Som introvert är jag inte bra på småprat. Jag skulle göra nästan vad som helst än att vara med på ett av alla dessa mingel- eller nätverksbyggarmöten. Men eftersom ”kontakter” är så viktiga för företagare fortsätter jag att delta. Men det kunde genom några få enkla åtgärder från arrangörerna bli mycket lättare för oss lite blyga:

Namnskyltar
Man kan hata eller älska dem, men de fyller sitt syfte. De är både en påminnelse om syftet med mötet och en enkel samtalsöppning för den som från början känner få av deltagarna. Dessutom gör de det lättare att komma ihåg namn. De fungerar. Använd dem.

Hjälp nykomlingar känna sig välkomna
Utse vid luncher eller middagar en ”bordsvärd”, som kan identifiera och välkomna nykomlingar till gruppen. Ge varje ny medlem en ”kompis” för att hjälpa till att introducera dem de 4-5 första gångerna. Eller fråga nykomlingar vid anmälan till en aktivitet om de vill någon äldre medlem som ”kompis”. Arrangörerna borde också planera någon form av strukturerad aktivitet där alla deltagare presenterar sig för varandra. Det kräver eftertanke och planering att få människor att känna sig välkomna. Lämna det inte till slumpen.

Stå eller sitta?
Visst är det besvärligt att skaka hand och samtidigt hålla en tallrik med små mat och en drink. Men syftet med nätverksmöten är att få nya bekanta, inte att smörja skrovet. Och det är lättare att mingla stående än sittande. En tumregel kan vara att inte ha stolar till alla. Det får deltagarna att byta platser och flytta runt under aktiviteten – det vill säja mingla. Vill du sitta ned och äta med dina vänner - gå till en restaurang.

Det personliga är lättare att minnas
Kom ihåg att det är ett maraton, inte ett sprinterlopp. Målet är inte ha få så många visitkort som möjligt, utan att få så bra kontakt med 2-3 personer att ni kommer ihåg varandra nästa gång ni träffas. Det är vetenskapligt bevisat att vuxna lär sig genom att associering, inte genom inlärning. Nästa gång du träffar någon i affärslivet, utbyt affärselementa, men också lite personlig information som hjälper er att minnas varandra. Förresten, när någon ställer frågar om dig, glöm inte att fråga tillbaka. Det handlar om god ton.

Nytta eller nöje
En avslappnad stämning är bra för framgångsrikt kontaktskapande. Men jag var nyligen på ett arrangemang där höga bakgrundsmusiken gjorde det nästan omöjligt att samtala. Det är populärt i Sverige att blanda arbete och nöje. Men resultatet är blandat. Kontaktskapande möten skall vara strukturerade, meningsfulla och ganska korta. Ett party är – tja, ett party. Låt kontaktskapande vara kontaktskapande och fester vara fester (med respektive eller vänner). Blanda inte ihop dem.

Framgångsrikt nätverksbyggande uppstår inte av sig självt. Det kräver planering av alla arrangemangets delar. Och paradoxalt nog känns aktiviteten mer spontan och avslappnande ju bättre planerad den är.

Publicerades av VLT (Västmanlands Läns Tidning), 15 augusti 2008. För att läsa artikeln på engelska, klicka här.

Networking 101

As an introvert, I’m not big on small talk. In fact, I’d rather go to Hell and back – actually, I’ve been there; it’s a small town in Norway just east of Trondheim – than attend a business mingle or networking event. But in the business world, “contacts” are everything; so I endure. Yet organizers of networking events can do a few simple things to make them a little less painful for us shy types.

Name tags
Love ’em or hate ’em, they serve a purpose. They are both a visual reminder to everyone about the purpose of the gathering and an instant conversation starter for the odd-person-out who’s trying to break into a cozy two- or threesome to introduce her or himself. (Not to mention they help people remember each other’s names.) They work. Use them.

Help newcomers feel welcome
Designate a host for each table (if it’s a luncheon or dinner event) to identify and welcome newcomers to the group. Or assign new members a “buddy” to facilitate introductions for the first 4 or 5 events the newcomer attends. Or ask newcomers if they would like a buddy when they sign up for the event. In addition, event organizers should plan some kind of structured activity that forces attendees to introduce themselves to each other. Helping people feel welcome takes forethought and planning. Don’t leave it to chance.

Sit or stand?
Sure it’s hard to shake hands while juggling a plateful of snacks and a drink. But the purpose of networking is to meet new people, not chow down. And it’s easier to mingle while standing than sitting. One rule of thumb I’ve heard is provide seating for only part of the group. This forces people to switch places and move around during the event, i.e. mingle. If you want to sit down and eat with your friends, go to a restaurant.

Something personal is something memorable
Remember – it’s a marathon, not a sprint. The goal is not to collect as many business cards as possible, but to genuinely connect with two or three people on a personal level so that you remember each other the next time you meet. It’s a scientific fact that adults learn through association, not memorization. The next time you meet someone at a business function, exchange your business vitals and a little personal information to help you remember each other. By the way, when someone asks you about yourself, but sure you ask about them in return. That’s just good manners.

Business or pleasure?
A relaxed atmosphere can be conducive to successful networking. But I recently attended a networking event where the rumble of the boat engine and loud background music made conversation almost impossible. It’s popular in Sweden to mix business with pleasure. But this leads to mixed success. Networking events should be structured, purposeful, and relatively short. And a party is – well, a party! Let networking be networking and a party a party (with spouses, partners, or friends, please). Don’t mix the two.

Successful networking events do not happen magically. Every aspect of the event requires serious planning. But the paradox is, the better the planning, the more spontaneous and effortless the event will be for all participants.

© 2013 Kvick Thoughts. All rights reserved. This article was also published in the Swedish newspaper VLT on August 15, 2008. To read the article in Swedish, click here.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

A toss of the genetic coin

My brother is dead. His body was found in his residence on May 12 and cremated shortly thereafter. But we just found out. That’s because my brother had a mental illness and lived on the margin of society. He was 59 years-old.

I heard the news from a sister, who heard it from our other brother, who heard it from our mother, who heard it from a stranger on the phone who had called to say they were sending a death certificate. My brother had been dead for a while before his body was found - it was mummified. There was no information about family among his possessions so it had taken time to track us down. But I guess that’s how it is when you die poor and alone. There’s no hurry to inform anyone because there’s no one to inform.

My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia in the 1970s. This was the same time that states began discharging people who posed no threat to themselves or others from state hospitals. This was not a bad thing – there was talk of sheltered employment and new housing alternatives for former hospital residents. But sufficient services never materialized, and many of these people ended up on the streets.

One Christmas shortly after he had completed college my brother came home to visit. But he was not himself.  He had a major breakdown. Following hospitalization and many months in therapeutic and supportive work programs, and medication, his condition was stable. It was now time to get a job. But what kind of work, and where? Or more precisely, who was going to hire a bright young man who walked and talked like a zombie? He had completed the available programs but there was nowhere for him to go. Yet he still had hope for himself. He thought his chances would be better elsewhere so he returned to where he had been. We never saw him again.

Why, you may wonder, did my family not encourage him to stay and assume responsibility for him? The answer to that is long and complicated but familiar to any family that has lived with an adult with mental illness. Let's just say the structure of U.S. health insurance, social service and public assistance programs do not make it easy, and many families lack the financial resources and emotional stamina to make such a commitment – providing for all material and medical needs, coping with erratic behavior, running interference with the law, assuaging other peoples’ fears, monitoring medication, and more. It can be a full-time job depending on the type and severity of the illness. Ultimately, their life becomes your life, and no one in my family was willing to give up their life for his. We cut him loose. Why no one stayed in touch with my brother is another matter, but can probably be best summed up as benign neglect.

But one person’s well-being should not require the preemption of someone else’s. We live in very punitive and selfish times: If you don’t succeed in life it’s your own fault, and don’t expect government to bail you out! I understand when unemployment is high, budgets are strained, and families are stressed, people hang on tighter than ever to what they have for fear of losing it. They are afraid and don’t know how to protect themselves. So they become defensive.

But you would think uncertainty and worry would make them more, rather than less, willing to support reasonable taxes, health care for all, and public programs that help us support each other. After all, in times of misfortune, these same programs will protect and preserve their families, too. Yet, there is not only widespread unwillingness to help other people, but denigration and outright contempt for those down on their luck. It’s a way of thinking and an ungenerous spirit I don’t understand, and one that will haunt them when trouble lands on their doorstep, as it inevitably will.

A childhood friend of mine wrote upon learning of my brother’s death: “I remember hanging out in his room, without you, looking at his fossil collection with him…There was something really peaceful about him that made me comfortable. It's too bad the toss of the genetic coin robs us of our essential nature.”

It’s important to remember: There, but for chance, go I.

© 2013 Kvick Thoughts. All rights reserved.